It has been 12 days since I launched the website and WOW!!!!
It has been such a rollercoaster of emotions since.
I thought it would just be a “Build it and they would come” kind of scenario……
Couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Even just placing a selfie on the site was triggering enough.
Coming from my previous life of insecurity and self-doubt to see my face depicted on my phone/computer screen let alone strangers are able to see it too was bad enough.
This then led to overwhelming apprehension…..
Questions, self-doubt and second guessing started to arise.
Who do I think I am?
What was I thinking?
Planning an event and it’s all about me!!
So, for a good few days out of the 12, actually maybe even half I am thinking I allowed myself to wallow in the darkness.
But true to form as I have done on so many occasions before I arose from the darkness and am finding myself reaching actually not just reaching but jumping, running and cartwheeling towards the light.
It’s like I have to immerse myself in the dark to fully enable my sorry arse self to even see the light.
The words “Imposter Syndrome” became a constant rhetoric from my solids around me.
Words said to me so frustratingly. Easy for them to say but not easy for me to hear…….
This baffled and worried me so much that I had yet another diagnosis on my hands that I had to look up the definition.
“A behavioural phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills or accomplishments”
Well just letting you all know I am thinking that I am cured of this one.
Two weeks to go until my event and I have changed this from self-doubt to self-promotion.
Not so much a case of “Build it and they will come.”
But I have actually got to let people know it’s built and ready to go.
Out of the darkness and into the light.
Think positive and your life will be positive.
Think negative and your life will be negative.
So, I am positively letting you know from my heart to yours.
I can’t wait to see you on the 16th of March and reveal to you all my life story and what truthfully is “Behind My Smile “ xxxx